Thursday, February 21, 2008

Live It. Learn It. Love It.

Besides a good gore fest, there is no kind of movie I love more than a good teen comedy (but more importantly comedy, obviously). Detroit Rock City(which I actually tried to write about once but stopped when I realized it would just be 2,000 words of me doting on Trip the Magnificent), Sixteen Candles, Mean Girls, you name it, I've seen it and loved it. Face it, sitting in front of the TV, vegging out on the sofa and annoying everyone in your house by quoting Clueless word-for-word as you watch never seems to get old and never fails to make you feel better in a time of need.
Significant other dumped you? Your cat Fluffy just croaked? You failed that term paper you spent two weeks writing? Mental breakdown averted! With a trip to Hollywood Video, you too can recover from a severe emotional blow!

I can never truly pin down one that I love more than the rest, since there is a lot to choose from. Of course, I can reach for the stars and try, can't I?

Yes, Jawbreaker. Compare it to Heathers all you want, it doesn't change the love I have in my heart and will continue to have in my heart until the line, "life's a bitch, then you die" stops being funny.

The lowdown on the fabulous four in Jawbreaker is that they are pretty, popular, and better than you as most popular girls in these stories are. And of course, there's that geeky awkward Botany Club enthusiast nerd Fern Mayo who would sell her soul to be inducted into the clique. More importantly, she worships Liz Purr, the Good Witch of the group.

Enough of the synopsis, this a post about the style featured in the movie. IMDB that shit if you really want the 411 that badly.

This movie was made in the nineties (obviously) and therefore there was use of all things too tight, too loud, and too crimped. If you open up your mind and get past the fact that yes, there may be be instances where scrunchies are picture, then you will begin to see the potential within.

I interpreted the stylistic choices of Jawbreaker and turned it into a corny, ridiculously mundane....

Who is Your Jawbreaker Style Twin?

Yes! A quiz! I know what you're thinking. "Oh my God...this is going to go downhill very quickly, isn't it?" And you would be correct! Let's begin.

1. You've just accidentally killed your best friend, how do you decide to hide it?

A)You strap on a corset and short skirt, manage to seduce a seedy old Marilyn Manson lookalike from the nearest bar and have sex in her old bed. You can and will make this look like a rape, dammit. Even though your deceased friend is a virgin and would therefore exhibit no physical signs of rape. Whatev! Continuity is so 2007!

B)You follow whatever plan your alpha female best friend has and spend the night stuffing your face with Dibs. All this guilt is making you an emotional eater and you are having major trouble fitting into your wardrobe.

C)You don't. You want to go the police and confess, but you know that your other friends would turn it against you in the end. Having a conscience is so cramping your style right now.

D)You keep it bottled up inside and start to have nightmares. You reinvent yourself and buy a whole new wardrobe to deflect your feelings.

E)You don't. You go straight to the police, but not before consulting your family. You're more concerned about the victim's family than about the possibility of being socially annihilated.

2. Your ideal man would...

A)Be the most popular guy in school, captain of the football team, yadda yadda. Of course, you know that he is not the brightest bulb in the lamp, and therefore you get off on teaching him how to be kinky. Your first lesson may or may not involve an ice pop called a 'Big Stick'.

B)Any guy with a nice ass. You're not very picky. As long as he worships the ground you walk on and lovingly agrees that you and only you are the HBIC(and not that hot shot best friend of yours). Also, he needs to have a flexible schedule. After all, you need to be available at the drop of a hat in order to keep up with your schedule of major butt kissing.

C)The male lead in the school play. He's moderately cool, gorgeous, and actually not a complete douchebag(go figure!). You've been into him for quite some time, but now that everyone in your former clique hates you you can finally profess your love for each other without being ostracized.

D)You have no idea. Guys go way over your head. When you start to think about how to approach a guy, you start to sweat profusely and feel like you're going to barf up the tuna sandwich your mom always packs you for lunch.

E)You'd like a nice, sweet, caring guy. It doesn't matter what he looks like, it's what's on the inside that counts.

3. It's prom time! What do you decide to wear for the big night? And remember kids: no glove, no love.

A)Who cares? You know you'll look fabulous in anything, but you throw on some stunning powder blue number just in case. You're a shoe in for prom queen and need to look flawless for the big moment.

B)A dress by a deliciously tacky designer like Heatherette or Betsey Johnson. You want to stun people into submission with a crazy tutu like dress or something similar. Is that a hair crimper I spy??

C)Something traditional. You're more interested in seeking revenge on your former best friend.

D)Something pink, your new signature color. You're more interested in seeking revenge on your former best friend.

E)Something Jil Sander or Calvin Klein. You're so beautiful that a simple gown will just accentuate your looks.

4. What's the perfect song to describe you at this point in your life?

A)Strutter by Kiss

B)I Will Follow You Into the Dark by Death Cab for Cutie (Your dad is taking advice from Oprah that makes him think you're a 'follower'. He can be so annoyingly spot on.)

C)Bethamphetamine by Butch Walker

D)Troubles on My Mind by Holly Golightly

E)Dead! by My Chemical Romance (Ha, see what I did there?)

Mostly A's?

1.Lame Black Skirt 2.Sparkle and Fade Lulu In Hollywood Slip 3.Dolce Vita Missy Oxford 4.Patricia Field Girly Plastic Clutch

You scored highest as Courtney Shane. You're a hot bitch and you know it. But ooh girl, you need to work on that attitude. It's going to get you in trouble one of these days.

Mostly B's?

1.Legendary Necklace by Noir 2.Miriam Sandals 3.Polly Polka Dot Purse 4.Soundgirl - Women's Dress in Shortbread

You scored highest as Marcie Fox. You're a Grade A Brownoser, but you've got a kickass wardrobe. And at least you're in the popular group. It's better to be a wannabe on the inside than a wannabe on the outside. Then not only do you look desperate, but you look desperate and poorly dressed. (Since apparently in teen movies you can't be well dressed if you're a loser. Duh!)

Mostly C's?

1.Denim Zip Jacket 2.Masquerade Platforms 3.Bestie Necklace Set 4.Jackie O Sunglasses

You scored highest as Julie Freeman. Too bad no one cares about you anymore because you threatened to tell a secret about the former inner circle you belonged to. Life is tough, you should be thankful that you still have your looks.

Mostly D's?

1.Heart Sunglasses 2.Sparkle and Fade Cable Knit Tights 3.Minnetonka Fringe Bootie 4.Cotton Spandex Jersey Too Short Tube Dress

You scored highest as Fern Mayo/Vylette. You've always wanted to break out of your nerdy shell and transition into a popular glamazon like the girl you admire most. Soon enough, a twist of fate may give you that chance...

Mostly E's?

1.Dotted Leaflet Halter Dress 2.Pleated Chiffon Blouse 3.Pearl Bead Necklace 4.Kami Dress Pump

You scored highest as Liz Purr. You're the teen dream, the picture of teenage perfection. Well done, you're popular and a sweetheart. Too bad you have 3 freaky ass friends who think kidnapping a person on their birthday should be a routine activity.

Seriously, I can't be the only person who would flip out if my friends thought this was an ok thing to do to me.

In conclusion, what we've learned here girls (and...guys?) is that being a murderer can be fashionable. Don't listen to fashion magazines, killing people is practically the new bubble skirt!

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Blogger la petite fashionista said...

haha i remember when my cousin tried to make me watch Jawbreaker when i was about 10; i made her turn it off after the initial scene haha. i love looking back at the 90s style:)


24/2/08 6:33 PM  
Blogger the iron chic said...

I still haven't seen this movie...
must rent.

24/2/08 8:11 PM  
Blogger C.J.B. said...

Oh Lord.....I'm Fern. What do I do now?

25/2/08 5:44 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

god, it's so bad it's good.

"we killed Liz, we killed the teen dream!"
"deal with it."


1/3/08 12:28 AM  

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