Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Jeepers Creepers

Worried about procuring the perfect costume for Halloween? Fear not! Since Halloween doth approach-ith, and I spaced today in the middle of my Biology class. About when my teacher was explaining the difference between cohesion and adhesion I thought of a brilliant costume idea for the fashion model obsessives I know you are.

Masha Tylena! You know her, you love her, you fear her. SHE IS MASHA AND SHE WILL BEATNGU.

What You'll Need:

1. Some really expensive haute couture dresses. Or just do as Schatar from Flavor of Love does and snag something expensive looking from Forever 21 and tell everyone it's one of your very precious couture pieces.

2. A pair of googly eyes like so-

3. A willingness to tell people to smile with their eyes AT ALL TIMES. This is key!!!! The real Masha T does not tolerate dead eyes under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.


-Most of all, I am LOVING the new eco-friendly Top Model house and ride. America's Next Top PSA Y'all!

-The first episode may have sucked, but this totally made up for it. Can you even believe the crazy ass photoshoot they had to do? I mean can you really BLAME Mila for bursting out laughing every five seconds in her post-chemo hairdo?

-"Bianca is a little insecure..."
YOU THINK? Bitch is this season's Renee, only less likeable. I don't mean to yell at you though, Lisa, because you are a doll and I adore you. Who cares if you were an exotic dancer? Certainly not this Dilemma!

-What's the BFD about Miss Heather's "spacey", "4 steps behind" personality? Half the models backstage at a show are cracked out anyway. She'll fit right in.

-Speaking of Heather...I still love her. I'm not so surprisingly empathetic with the tragic plight of being socially inept to the extreme. Except I don't have asbergers, but whatev.

-Victoria is actually not so bad. So I've revoked her 'no' status for the time being.

-When Twiggy says, "The camera loves you!" its like a reverse death wish. She says it-you stay on for the next 6 episodes whether the rest of panel loves you or not. It's just a fact. Someone needs to dress up as Twiggy for Halloween, ASAP.

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Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Adriana Lima Bean:Kind of Like Hannelore Peanuts

As soon as I typed the previous post about spring collections, the good ones started rolling in ridiculously soon after.

Betsey Johnson

IT'S LIKE SHE CAN READ MY MIND! This is, in collection form, everything I've been lusting for and sketching at (badly, mind you) in my fashion journal. Right down to the colors! Big poofy party dresses in soft pinks, purples, blues, and hints of gold? This is too much for my weak heart to handle. I'm only showing two of my favorite outfits because if I attempted to talk about all of them we'd be here till Shrove Tuesday. True fact.

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My dream dress, in my favorite shade of pink. It's very Living Dolls; Swan Brooner would approve. Was that a horrible, totally not PC comparison or what? Love the glittery socks and heels. Much better than the Addidas flip flops and sweat socks to which I've recently become accustomed. This dress represents everything I'm about right now; girly, frilly, over the top, and ridiculously out of place in this dull dull world. Woe is me.

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Purple and gold! One of my favorite color combinations. Ok I lied, I just like anything with gold. I love the halter neck tie (it especially works for moi because oddly enough my shoulders/arms and I are on very good speaking terms) and the gold petticoat peeking out underneath!

Marc Jacobs

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The collection was batshit, I know. But come on it wasn't THAT bad. Everyone is pitching a bitch about these shoes but let it be known from the Halls of Montezuma to the Shores of Tripoli, that yes I ADORE THESE. Yeah, they'd be killer to walk in but walking is so overrated. Do as the brats on My Super Sweet Sixteen do and have a chauffeur (or generous parent) drive you everywhere and only walk in them for as long as you can take the searing hot pain. The masochists wearing these will surely have no qualms, so hats off to you.

Anna Sui

Made me want to seriously dye my hair crazy colors. I actually might when it grows out. When I was a little girl I wanted red tips in the WORST WAY IMAGINABLE and forced my mom to buy me those ponytail holders with red fake hair attached (remember those?) from Claires. I loved every single piece, so it would be too time consuming and redundant just to write 'I love this because xxxx' over and over again. However, I must mention this...

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It figures that Irina would be living out my childhood hair fantasy. And holy shoulder pads Batman!

Honorable Mention: Monique Lhuillier, Marc by Marc, Bill Blass, Tracy Reese, and Peter Som

Now onto more important things:FIRST ANTM EPISODE OF THE SEASON.
Bored? Excited? Disappointed?

I've been waiting for this since the last season ended. It has been my single motivation to get through this horrible week, and I am unhappy to report I was not impressed. Here are some notes I made (shut up) while watching transcribed directly from my notes...

  • Victoria-NO. GTFO.

  • Tyra as a showgirl=GOLD. That alone makes my life worth living.

  • Sabrina-HOW RUDE! "I see now that she's sick it's time for me to shine." Oh...well...that's nice? Why do these girls have to be so damn mean? Will kind of miss because she could have been a nice shit stirrer.

  • Christie-You remind people of Adriana Lima? No no, I think you really did mean Adriana Lima Bean.

  • Heather-LOVE HER. End of story.

  • Victoria-NO.

  • Girls who don't want it and only try out as a "joke" should not be there. Yeah, we all know that ANTM is kind of a joke, but some girls actually WANT TO BE TYRA'S NEXT TOP MODEL. STOP RUINING THEIR CHANCES YOU UNGRATEFUL BITCHES.

  • Jenah-I see you hanging out with guys playing beer pong and reading those extremely hard Amelia Bedelia books. You are a threat in your own mind baby.

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Thursday, September 13, 2007

Invading Your Mind One Phone Call At a Time

Picture it, Dilemma's house, September 13 2007. Fed up by annoying yet sometimes ruthless telemarketers, Dilemma decides to have some fun with an unsuspecting male telemarketer working for Earthlink.

Telemarketer:Hello, I am from Earthlink and you've just won a BAZILLION DOLLARS PLUS AN EARTHLINK CONTRACT! Blah blah blah blah blahblah-
Dilemma: Wait wait wait wait a second, I have a question for you.
Dilemma: Do you know who Cory Kennedy is?
*hangs up*

So internet, do you know who Cory Kennedy is?

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Saturday, September 08, 2007

It's official, New York fashion week is b o r i n g. There may have been one or two collections that I liked but I can't remember which ones because they were so uninspiring. I'll be eagerly anticipating the Paris and Milan shows.

Here are two outfits that I find inspiring.

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I've been especially hard on CKL these past few posts, so today I decided to play nice. Everyone hates the clear bags except me, so I was glad to see that I'm not the only one on the face of the earth who doesn't cry out a resounding 'FUGLY' at the thought of toting one. I have all kinds of weird stuff like cupcake shaped notepads that I want the world to be able to see. See now? I can be nice to The Cory. I'm just not blithely uninhibited with the fact that she has done nothing to deserve fame like I blatantly used to be. (PS:The girl next to her in the overalls is her sister Chris Kennedy. Don't ask me why or how I know this, my head is filled with useless information.)

A few minutes ago, I was looking at the Behnaz Sarafpour Backstage shots when I came across these photos.
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"WOW. That is the most heavenly dress in my FAVORITE SHADE OF PINK and those are nicest brogues ever."
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I wonder whose outfit this is...
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Oh hay Iekeliene."

I should've known my favorite model and one of my favorite fashion inspirations would be wearing something so incredibly wonderful. I've been looking for a floaty dress with an accordion pleat or maybe just a nice skirt, and this dress (as much as I loathe this word) I COVET. Oh Iekeliene, I will defend you until the day I cease to exist. In layman's (and Ty Ty's) terms; homegirl Iek knows how to pick out a fierce dress.

And the not so inspiring...

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Hey, who let Coco Rocha disguised as Eliza Doolittle pre-fab into the Thakoon show and threw the poor woman straight onto the runway?

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Continuing on in the ongoing yellow brick quest for a waist, Costella Tagliapietra seems to have gotten sidetracked along the way by all the shiny things in Emerald City and the old set of rollers found in the eldest member of the Lollipop Guilds' tiny cottage. Somewhere in Oz, sitting on a throne crafted solely out of Manolo Blahniks, Anna Wintour cackles malevolently at her triumph.

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Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Wanna Be Like Tom Cruise?

"Wanna Be Like Tom Cruise? Join the Key Club!" Someone actually made posters like that to advertise Key Club. Needless to say I will not be joining, in hopes that I can cling to the shreds of sanity I've managed to maintain these past few weeks.

Dilemma's Tip For Back To School/Gruel/Cool/Things that rhyme pathetically with 'ool'

-Please for the love of GOD, IF YOU MUST TALK TO SOMEONE IN BETWEEN CLASSES DO NOT JUST COME TO A SCREECHING HALT RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HALLWAY. I know that whatever you're doing is so much more important than me making it to class on time. It's an integral part of keeping the Earth rotating on its axis to have to report the news of the latest scandal to your bffs Muffy and Buffy right then and there in the middle of the hallway about how Stacy cheated on star of the football team with her new lesbian lover Bertha. Yes that Bertha with the shaved hairline and the nipple rings EW WAIT LESBIANS ARE SO GROSS!! GAY PEOPLE ARE SO GAY, MAN. (A/N:Actual excerpt of something I overheard today. True facts.)

-Making fun of people without meaning any harm by it is funny (i.e-my firecrotch jokes, Blondie jokes, etc and so forth). I and many of the wonderful people on my blogroll do it, and not because we're so "jealous" of whoever we might be poking fun at. Making fun of people in a serious fashion that actually hurts people's feelings makes me want to VOMIT. I might have to get Tyra to slap a hoe, or mainly just the guys who think that making fun of the "fat girls" or the "nerdy guys" actually makes for good laughs. (Note to you, you assholes-You're not John Bender, nor do you have any room to talk.) DID TYRA'S TYRADE TEACH YOU NOTHING?

-Rain stuff. Wear it walking home from school (in the rain obviously) while listening to 'Only Happy When It Rains' by Garbage. Or I guess you could listen to some mopey Eisley, it's your call. (A/N:I actually like Eisley.)

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Do I even need to explain? The reviews say they're not actually very rain resistant, but is a cupcake rainboot from Target really supposed to tops in practicality? I didn't think so. Nothing could make me happier than seeing cupcake patterned footwear...says the girl who's sipping out of a mug fashioned like Hello Kitty's face right now. Cutesy weird things work for me, ok? $19.99

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Let's face it, you may be a little worried about causing all kinds of shenanigans while wearing cupcakes on your shoes. There's hope-fear not!-you can have houndstooth rainboots instead. Houndstooth is one of my many pattern loves. I can't wait for fall so I can wear my knee length houndstooth coat. $19.99

Kid's umbrella's! I love these, I need an umbrella (kind of like I need a new fancy dress, need those lego-tastic Balenciaga shoes, need more kooky tights, etc) and they're on sale.

-Seeing people in unexpected places. Cory Kennedy in Jalouse threw me for a loop.


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