Yet again I have squandered away the last few days, in favor of doing more important things like...well...nothing except being lazy, really. A terrible thing happened and I had to RETURN Mommie Dearest before I got a chance to cap the whole thing, and every time I did try to cap it, it would freeze up any time I paused it. Sounds like Joan Crawford's ghost is bitter about me calling her a firecrotch.
ANYWAY, Joan Crawford aside, there is one woman who goes above and beyond a hero for me; beyond Kathy Griffin, beyond Saaphyri, beyond anyone who I have ever mentioned on this blog.
That woman would be Phyllis Neffler.
I have been meaning to write up about Troop Beverly Hills
for about 10 posts now since it's practically the movie that gave me my first look at fashion back in the day when I was wearing leggings and over sized sweatshirts, and was the proud owner of the best scrunchie collection of all time[shut up, I was SEVEN]. Even though I continued on wearing said leggings and scrunchies, it must have left some imprint in my mind, because now this movie defines what I would like to be aesthetically speaking. It's got all the bases covered; amazing star-studded cast with my girls Tori Spelling and Kellie Martin[aka two of favorite lifetime movie actress ever
] PLUS a young Jenny Lewis, outrageous clothes, and tongue-in-cheek humor. What more could you want from a movie? There are so many wonderful scenes in this movie, it was hard to pick and choose what to post. And so it begins!
Troop Beverly Hills: A Movie Dissected in Pictures
We open up on a scene at the Wilderness Girls' Headquarters, one which involves my favorite socialite/celebutante of all time-Tori Spelling. Tori Spelling was the original, less skanky Paris Hilton. Has Hilton ever produced a masterpiece like Death of A Cheerleader/A Friend to Die For? I don't think
How eighties are those sleeves? I already love this post so much it's sickening. This movie is a visual orgasm[totally stole that from that dude on ANTM Cycle 2] for those who are in love with hats like I am. "*points*This one...and this one...out. I'll take the rest!"
My dream house, in my absolute favorite color no less! Oy, this fictional character is living my life.
Troop Beverly Hills: Influencing Future Shopaholics Everywhere Since 1989.
"I started a whole new meaningful life today, and I bought a whole new meaningful wardrobe to go with it!" I'm quoting that from memory, so it may be a little off.
Phyllis Neffler will NOT be moved!
JLew!!!! She was fabulous even back then.
Then we come to the first troop meeting where all the other girls are introduced. But first..."Is the caviar too much?"
This is my favorite outfit in the entire movie. I sincerely wish people dressed like this on a day to day basis! I mean look at it-
As my beloved Ty Ty would say[with a little shake of the index finger], this outfit/dress contraption is fiiii-uhce! And Phyllis "makes it fashion", because as you can see she is totally
smiling with her eyes right now.
I would like to take this time to note that there was a brilliant reference to Imelda/Ferdinand Marcos later on in the movie. All I have to say is that they know how to rock the Ray Bans.
It's Kellie Martin! Words cannot express the pure love I feel for this girl. In Beverly Hills she plays not a battered wife-gone-crazy OR a psychopathic yet heart wrenching Cheerleader killer, but the sad role of a girl whose father is a struggling actor, barely able to afford the $7.50 it costs to get patches.
1. In the back, we have Chica something or another, I'm too lazy to IMDB the name-this girl's parents are insensitive imbeciles. 2. Then of course there's our wonderful JLew! 3. Next we have Tiffany...or if that isn't her name it SHOULD be Tiffany-love her, she's the early form of a Cobrasnake-hipster only without the gross! 4. Then there is girl in the red shirt whose name I am completely unaware of, but I absolutely LOVED her in this. She has spunk and she dresses up as Tina Turner
in order to sell cookies.
1.Girl in the very back is the dictators' daughter also rocking the Ray Bans. 2.Claire in the leopard print is the daughter of a trashy romance novelist who's BFFs with Phyllis, star of her own TV show, and just "wants to be a normal kid". 3. Kellie Martin! 4. And last but not least, money-grabbing redheaded girl in the denim whose name I forget AGAIN but she is owning that denim+pearl necklace combo and she drove a hard bargain, therefore I love her. Actually, I think her name might be Tiffany.
Uniform shopping! Plus, a cameo from the woman who plays Lana on Strong Medicine. Troop Leader's Uniform Pre-Fab:will not miss.
Love what the girl in the glasses also known as Tiffany is wearing. Plus, Claire is wearing a hot pink harem-pants jumpsuit and do you SEE the face she is making at Phyllis' uniform?"Oh my God, what is that?!"-Man in the SuitTroop Leader's Uniform Post-Fab!
The beginning of the end. Do you think this is where I learned to overpack?"Alright girls, are you ready to rough it!?"
Honestly, I was ready to give up here. Ready to say that I would maybe continue this in a Part II post. But no, I pushed through. I DIDN'T GIVE UP in the true spirit of Wilderness Girls.
If you must go camping, do it in style like so. I don't consider myself overtly-girly, but this looks a lot more appealing than sleeping on dirt.
Phyllis is verbally bitchslapped by one of the best on screen villians ever, Velda Plender, as Velda's sock puppet Annie looks on in admiration.
Claire models a backpack. Alas, it's no ordinary backpack...
If you simply lift the flap...
and pop the snap...
You've got a mobile closet! "Just because you're out in the woods, it's no excuse not to look your best!"
My first taste of true on screen espionage as a child came from watching Phyllis spy on her ex-husband and his new sleazy girlfriend. It was all fun and games until she lost her balance and fell out of the tree. Sigh.
This is Phyllis giving the girls a dance lesson in something adorable. This is also me too lazy to resize the picture to match the others.
This is the troop in their painfully 80s dance outfits. AA leggings
This is an old man reaching for an issue of Penthouse. I think this speaks for itself.
This if proof that if you're wearing something sparkly, people will buy whatever you have to sell.
This is Phyllis in a Dynasty-fab outfit, with what appears to be a glittery dove on her shoulder.
This is Phyllis being unbelievably fabulous.
This is sock-puppet-Annie transformed into a beauitful metaphorical butterfly.
This is Cheech Marin.
This is Velda Plender saying "get your damn car out of my friendship ring!"
This is Dilemma saying that if you haven't seen this movie go out and RENT IT IMMEDIATELY because I could not jampack its perfection into this one post.
Labels: JLew, Kellie Martin, movies, overuse of the word 'fabulous', Phyllis Neffler