Monday, July 30, 2007

Firecrotch Is My New Favorite Word

Ahem. I have been on a little internet hiatus since a few days pre-Harry Potter day aka July 21 aka The Day Before My Birthday [furthermore, on said day I did a ton of sobbing. I don't want to spoil anyone but some of my favorite characters were mercilessly slaughtered which did NOT make me very happy] because I didn't want to be spoiled. I've only been on to check my email and occasionally read some gossip to keep up with this whole defunct-Lohan issue[I really feel for the poor girl, I mean having Dina Lohan as the primary female figure in your life wouldn't really give you much mental stability]. This is really pointless, but I just wanted to say that no, I have not turned into Lohan, subsequently drinking myself into a comatose state thus, causing me to be hauled off in a police car for driving my parents million dollar, diamond encrusted Hummer into a KFC.

Speaking of drunken stupors, my next few posts are going to be about my favorite movies and the clothes in said favorite movies. This will include the likes of Mommie Dearest which is the heartwarming mother-daughter tale of that crazy ass booze-fiend Joan Crawford. Love that movie and that crazy firecrotch!

Is it weird that every time I see someone [usually a celebrity] that I find hilarious* I immediately think, "oh there's that firecrotch" in a most serious fashion?

There is really no need for you to comment on this insomnia induced rambling about firecrotches and Lindsay Lohan. I'm sure half of these words are spelled wrong and that my grammar is all messed up. But it's almost four o'clock in the morning, so who even cares?



A parting thought: I heard on some E! program or another that Dina threatened this guy by using her connections to the mob to scare him from printing bad stuff about her. BEAT AT YOUR OWN GAME, LOHAN. I too have mob connections via my mother via her uncle that she never met so technically we really have no mob connections, thus no reason for anyone reading this to feel the need to come and hunt me or my mom down. If anyone feels the need to physically accost me about my secret mob connections, I'll beat you down with some wire hangers Mommie Dearest style.

Peace, love, and wire hangers forever,
Dilemma

*I do not condone or approve of Joan Crawford's actions in any way, shape, or form. Child abuse is NOT FUNNY and neither is beating your child with the previously mentioned wire hangers.

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Thursday, July 19, 2007

It's Virtually Impossible For Me to Write About Summer Clothes

I just decided I'm in love with Shoboshobo sweatshirts!








They're a little Deep Red, and a little Claudia Kishi from the Babysitters Club, only a macabre version of what she was all about(crazy patterns and bright colors). Speaking of Claudia, if you're ever in need of some crazy inspiration What Claudia Wore is a blog that chronicles her brilliant outfit choices. Oh how I wanted to be her in the worst way when I was younger....

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Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Oh Teenage Hopes...

Today I did something I never thought I would do...
I cut my hair BOY SHORT. Being unphotogenic+having a crappy camera=this picture as evidence. No lie, I actually debated cropping Mr.Cuckoo Banana's face over mine.

I'm proud to say I've joined the ranks of Omahyra, Agyness, and Mariacarla by chopping off my precious hair in favor of a short cut. This is something I've wanted to try since I saw Elyse on ANTM Cycle 1 sporting her short hair makeover look back in the day. On and off for over a year, I've been thinking about going short, and when I saw the spread on short hair in Teen Vogue and figured, "might as well get it over with..." It's going to take me a while to get used to, since before this the shortest I've gone was a chin length bob. I think I'm going to love it once I get to wash out the oily grease [gel my ass!] that the hairdresser put in there to 'give it hold'. Yeah, right. I look like I've rolled around in a vat full of Cobrasnakeites.

Now that I'm done sharing my hair woes, let's talk about resort collections.
Most of them were boring and/or hideous, but there were a few that absolutely blew my mind!

Alessandro Dell'Acqua


The slimming little [not that the model needs it] eyelet a-line skirt plus a shirt that slightly resembles a men's button down is foolproof. Unless, you know, you are one of those greasy Cobrasnake hipsters that decided to take a roll in my hair. This collection had it's minor faults, like some unflattering "butterfly shirts", but all in all I love Alessandra Dell'Acqua so all is forgiven.

Burberry Prorsum


EVERYTHING is so perfect I can't even stand it.



The Georgia Frost + Danny Beauchamp combo is so good. The men's clothes were just as or MORE exciting than the women's. Need proof?

Ahem.


Attention F21/other teenage targeted stores that famously knock off designer clothes:these pants now. Go! MUSH!



I hate to be all cliche and use a naughty secretary reference but that's clearly what this look translates too. That dark plum purple is what makes this so hot. It's one of my personal favorite colors, which is probably why I love it so much. And to all you belt-nay-sayers, oh please; tell me that the belt doesn't completely work in favor of this!

Louis Vuitton



I know it's just my love for hotpants leading me to believe this is a good look. But I say that if you have the legs go for it! Oh snap, I'm watching VH1 and they're talking about the whole Brandon Davis/Firecrotch fiasco and I just want to take this opportunity and revise the statement about the Cobrasnakeites; it looks like the hairdresser let me roll around for a while with the ever-greasy slime ball that is Brandon Davis. Lindsay Lohan would look great in these hotpants, and we all know that the real firecrotch[aka you, Slimeball Davis] would look like a TRANNY. AND NOT THE GOOD KIND OF TRANNY EITHER.

Now, I was going to write about the fabulous gold D&G trench coat, but then I realized that there was already one in the Burberry Prorsum collection. So, which designer did the coat the most justice?
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100% D&G for me.

Sunday, July 01, 2007

A Saaphyri in the Rough

Corny title, I know. But check it y'all, Saaphyri just won Charm School! And thanks to Model Misbehaviour, I have been alerted to this post-win interview with my favorite Charm School girl. How much do you love that she's going to have her own Lip Chap line? This woman is my hero[I know, I say that way too much about too many people. But come on, a line of lip chap? What gets more heroine-worthy than a lip chap line?]





So, when does this come out on DVD?

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