Monday, June 18, 2007

Free At Last

After I finally finished my online school coursework, I almost broke into song. Wait, I did break into song....it was Britney Spears' 'Hit Me Baby One More Time'. That's kind of an indicator of exactly how crazy school makes me. Fortunately this is not going to be a post about Britney Spears' fashion sense. If it was, we would all be prepping to shave our heads, and beginning work on our cellulite. I made chocolate cupcakes over the weekend, so I know I've been working on mine. Anyway, now that school is over, I feel as if I'm slipping into the abyss. Summer is a drag. If I didn't have to think about going to school, I would make a sincere wish for it to be fall. Summer clothes and I do not go together. I like layering, and cardigans. I absolutely loathe swimsuits and flip flops. The only thing to do now is to make a small Hit or Miss list.

Hit

Natalia Vodianova on the cover of July Vogue

I like to think that the Wintourosaurus did this especially for me in honor of my birthday month. This is quite a big thing for Vogue, having a model not featured somewhere in the magazine on the cover. The only problem I have is that Natalia looks like a frog in the shot[she does have a certain frog-like quality to her sometimes...ribbit, Natalia, ribbit!]. Seriously, you think you guys could have given the poor girl the right lipstick color?

Miss
Modeling Scams-they're a total bum-out.

Earlier, I was watching that Lifetime movie 'Selling Innocence' for the 3rd or 4th time, and I felt the need to voice my concern. Here we have a movie about a greasy-haired, pink-hating, way-too-short-for-modeling girl with great bone structure getting scammed by an evil con artist/"model" scout. I wish I had screen caps because that movie is just too golden. Mia is scouted in a mall, while watching a local talent contest full of under dressed pre-teens, shaking their leather clad butts in the predominantly male judges' faces. When Mia and her mother arrive at the agency, there are fake magazine covers plastered all over the walls, and some ugly short girls in the back room in their bad 90's outfits, just waiting to suck another girl into their tangled web of super-porno-stardom[later we find out that they get a bonus for putting on the act for the new girls!]. What baffles me is, how in the world did Mia get scammed? It's not that hard to figure out, even for the non-fashion mag obsessed people; use your common sense! When the guy asks you to start spreading your legs in lingerie, do you think there's a chance that he's trying to sell your cooter to the fat-bald-man world?? Oi vey. My favorite part? When the agent suckers the naive teenager into doing a live chat[all with reputable agents and clients, of course], he says "You think that Cindy Crawford has never done a live chat?" Hmm, I dunno, considering that Cindy was at the height of her fame when computers didn't rule the universe, I'm going to say that's a no. Lifetime movies rule my life, and it's going to stay that way. They teach important life lessons, everyone should watch them!

Hit


Goldie Hawn in Houseitter

This is such a fun movie, but for the duration Goldie is running around in leggings and oversized sweatshirts, which is fine for hanging out at home in. I'm wearing hot pink zebra print leggings right now, actually. They were for my Halloween costume last year, and they're surprisingly comfy for when you're not setting foot outside of the house...ok, so it's still all kinds of embarrassing to admit that. Whatever. Then there were the scenes that got me thinking about the type of things Goldie's character Gwen wore[or would wear]:
1.American Apparel Two-Toned Fitted Mini Dress This dress is kind of like High-Waisted for Dummies, and I'm so in love with it. However, the only way you'd get away with wearing this dress is if you have a great body, and you weren't afraid of VPL. So basically, I wouldn't be able to wear this since the cupcake binge doesn't show any signs of slowing down. Damn. 2.Girlprops Cat Eye Sunglasses-Gwen sports slim red sunglasses throughout most of the movie, and it kind of made me want to try them out and break away from the squarer shaped kind I've been adoring recently.
3. Urban Outfitters Dancerteria Knot Headwrap-This movie has done wonderful things for my shopping morale; it's made me fall in love with this type of head wrap all over again. Since headbands never fit my head[they always give me migraines], I'm in love with headscarves and cloth head wraps. Now if only I could learn how to fasten them myself...
And just for fun.

You'd be making this face too if some floozy in a pastel colored jacket was trying to steal your man.


Miss

Marie Antoinette-please, let it die.

WE GET IT, COPPOLA. You're a master cinematographer. You make beautiful movies-nay[even MORE kudos to Emma for correcting my cupcake-summer-induced grammar]-films that everyone adores. Except me. You can take the snooze-fest that was Marie Antoinette and go cry in a hole with Nick Carter[my favorite new insult, kudos to Emma]. The soundtrack was boring, the drama you tried to create was boring, KiKi Dunst was boring, the guy who played Louis was boring, the people with the fiery torches just waiting to kill Marie were boring, the 'pretty' things in the movie were boring. OHMYGODPRETTYFLOWERSANDCAKESANDDECORATIONS=GREAT MOVIE, RIGHT? Wrong. Very, very wrong.

Mmmm, how stimulating. A lesson well learned, I guess the secret to a successful movie is not through the plot, or the acting; it's through how many pretty deserts you can shove into one scene.

PS:Emma made me do it.
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50 Comments:

Blogger Hypnotic Romance said...

Ah! Its nice to have you back. Saving polar bears with my b1iNdiNg c313b P0w3R is a hard job to do alone.

But I have to be honest with you.
I liked Marie Antoinette.



I lied.
I like frilly things and sugar.
My mistake.

18/6/07 9:54 PM  
Blogger Geisha said...

Since your blog is awesome, I'm tagging you!
If you don't know about the game go to my blog:

http://spoonsforksandfashion.blogspot.com/2007/06/these-are-few-of-my-favorite-things.html

Bye!

18/6/07 10:26 PM  
Blogger Cris Lazoru said...

Totally agree with hypnotic romance I like frilly things, sugar and pastel dresses. So I liked Marie A. But I'm so happy with Vogue! Bring models back were they belong: the cover!!

C.

19/6/07 12:06 AM  
Blogger Emma said...

Yay! Kudos to me! No, kudos to YOU for being so awesome and watching Lifetime and hating Kiki Dunst. The other night I saw the Virgin Suicides and had to keep pausing it to shudder briskly and cry, "Shut UP, Kirsten. You were just barely affable in Bring It On, so don't push it, pasty skank." And then I realized that a) I am the same shade as her and b) she is still exponentially cuter than me, so I hated her that little bit more. But really, she's so wooden she makes Mischa Barton look like Meryl Streep.

19/6/07 12:25 AM  
Blogger Emma said...

Oh, and I have to add something. That thing about "You make beautiful movies-neigh-films that everyone adores." was SO HYSTERICAL because- I swear I'm not trying to be an asshole and correct your grammar- it's actually NAY, not neigh, but I just thought it was funny because I've always thought Coppola looked like a horse.
Neigh? Horse? Get it? Get it? Get it? Oh, YOU know.

19/6/07 12:27 AM  
Blogger rollergirl said...

I was SO disappointed with Marie Antoinette.

19/6/07 12:50 AM  
Blogger Emma said...

Oh my God. Oh my God, I worship you. Oh my God. My next post will be entitled "298392832 REASONS WHY DILEMMA IS AMAZING".

19/6/07 1:15 AM  
Blogger The Stiletto Effect said...

I agree with Vogue and Goldie being hits :)
But i didnt see "Marie Antoinette's" so i dont have an opinion...
luv
x0x0
Su

19/6/07 6:20 AM  
Blogger Isabel said...

Compared to any other movie Sofia Coppola has directed, Marie Antoinette was practically a cinematic masterpiece. The Virgin Suicides was actually a suicide-inducing movie, it was so friggin' boring.

19/6/07 10:10 AM  
Blogger Fashionyou's Molly said...

YOUVE BEEN TAGGED!!

X

19/6/07 12:32 PM  
Blogger the lipstick lady said...

booo to model scams. there are so many articles about them in england, probably because the english think they're so beautiful therefore go to all these model places in the first place (oops, I'm not technically english so that could be a bit offensive). and WHY oh why is there no internet schooling in the UK? my life would be complete.
and i adore those catseye glasses. i need them. NEED THEM

19/6/07 6:09 PM  
Blogger Alison said...

ugghhh marie antoinette made me want to shoot myself in the face
very very boring.

20/6/07 12:25 AM  
Blogger Maddy said...

I hate Kirsten Dunst so much. I know it's terribly irrational, but she always seems so pleased with herself. And while the movie sucked, the biography by Antonia Fraser that it was based on was actually really good. If you are a dork and you like that sort of thing, that is.

20/6/07 6:23 AM  
Blogger lisa mona said...

oh! i love this high-waisted for dummies(lol!) dress. it's just perfect :D

20/6/07 6:53 AM  
Anonymous Jessica said...

Housesitter is such a guilty pleasure. I love it, Steve martin is amazing paired with Goldie Hawn.

20/6/07 9:09 PM  
Blogger Jade said...

TAG! Post 7 Random facts about yourself, and tag 7 other people (that haven't already been tagged.)

21/6/07 11:23 AM  
Blogger Teresa said...

Nuclear Wintour always has very similiar covers that it is hard to distinguish one cover from the other. If you asked me to describe the Natalia cover a month from I would be clueless.
Also modelling scams are so sad...I remember seeing Snejana posing nude in a crass manner in her early modelling days, presumeably due to a cheap horny booker.

22/6/07 12:23 AM  
Anonymous xo ec said...

i get shredding vibez from reading your blog! mwah!

22/6/07 12:53 AM  
Anonymous fred lero said...

Eliza, u can take ur shredding vibes and shove them up ur ass!

I know you trawl these fashion blogs, and you probably know who i am, but i'd like to see you try and prove it!!! beeyotch!!

22/6/07 1:05 AM  
Anonymous the torosaurous said...

oooh drama. fuck, i just found a grey hair in the fro. brb.

22/6/07 1:11 AM  
Blogger Dilemma said...

Timmy?
Whoever you are, oh great anon[s?], you are giving me a side cramp from loling. Thank God for comment notification emails y'all!

22/6/07 1:14 AM  
Anonymous bunny said...

meow! meow!
can someone text message my parents? i haven't eaten since they went on the honeymoon. 8-C

22/6/07 1:15 AM  
Anonymous xo ec said...

ummm..wow. you guys..always trying to kill my vibe..alas, i must go cut some hair! i am, afterall, a hair hero!

22/6/07 1:21 AM  
Anonymous bob bryar said...

fred and torosaurous...you know we are going to get in trouble with gee again. and who gets to listen to him whine all night? me. then who gets to watch him gorge himself on twinkies? ME.
ps:bunny, im trying to get ahold of your daddy but his sidekick is turned off for once. srry.

22/6/07 1:27 AM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

" If it was, we would all be prepping to shave our heads, and beginning work on our cellulite"
hhaa you made me laugh so hard

omigod i love goldie in housesitter it use to be one of my favorite movies when i was younger, her outfits are so da bomb amazing how fashion comes back!

22/6/07 1:30 AM  
Anonymous fred lero said...

i refuse to be silenced...sorry Bob! eliza you smell like gees dirty socks-so basically you smell like but. hate is a strong word, but i really really really don't like youuuu. i lied, i do HATE YOU.

i bet you still dont know who this is. ur that dumb!!!!

22/6/07 1:31 AM  
Blogger Dilemma said...

Fred-actually, the but you're talking about is spelled 'butt'. Just thought you should know.

Jennifer-haha, I'm glad I made you laugh! I randomly picked up Housitter when I was looking for movies to have a movie marathon with, and I am so glad I did. Listening to steve martin sing to his father in that one part made my life complete.

22/6/07 1:35 AM  
Anonymous the torosaurous said...

Fred, stop lying. Gees socks don't smell like butt, they smell like old people AND butt. by the way, did you guys know that I once saw Courtney Love's butt? but then again, who hasn't. hahahahaaha..ha.ha.......well it was funny when I said it...

22/6/07 1:43 AM  
Anonymous fred lero said...

fank you dilemma for correcting me. you're very smart for a teenager btw. smarter than eliza...WHO STILL SMELLS LIKE BUTT[and old people, ur right torosaurous]. THERE I SPELLED IT RIGHT THIS TIME SO......HA>>

22/6/07 1:49 AM  
Anonymous alicia way said...

mmmmmrrrrr...bunny im coming to feed choooo bb!!! we are sleepmonsters. I Love You baby foreverzzzz.

22/6/07 1:52 AM  
Anonymous alicia way said...

PS-uhm and to all you guys spamming this poor gurls post making fun of eliza...fuck off. eliza doesnt smell like butt and old people. im telling mikey you did this and then he'll call gee and yeeeeeah. i dont even know why im so fed up right now. maybe its that time of the month. maybe its just reached THAT point. who knows. who cares. just stop.

22/6/07 1:56 AM  
Blogger Dilemma said...

OFFICIALLY MY FAVORITE POST EVER.
I love whoever is doing this, for real.

22/6/07 1:58 AM  
Anonymous bob bryar said...

See you guys I told you this would happen. FUCK!!! better go stock up on the baked goods...

22/6/07 1:59 AM  
Anonymous bob bryar said...

also, why are all these people saying that 'you're tagged!!!' are they talking about tagging you in the face? i've done that before because lest you forget, i take shit from NOBODY.

22/6/07 2:02 AM  
Blogger Shelby said...

Marie Antiotentete was annoyance times a trillion. They didn't talk! And when they did, the dialouge was boring and the storylines were obnoxius and she tried to cover it by frosting it pink and shoving Kirsten in pretty dresses. And the converse cameo irritated the crap out of me.

22/6/07 2:07 AM  
Anonymous xo ec said...

thanks alicia girrrrl for having my back! bahahaha wow i don't smell....sweetlife! and to that girl who's name is geisha, your username rips! i back it so hard.

22/6/07 2:09 AM  
Anonymous Gerard Arthur Way said...

You guys I'm just a man not a hero so I don't know how to fix this. Fred, if that's really you...I don't love you like I loved you yesterday. Bob thnks fr th baked goods, buddy. Torosaurous, remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor running away when you found me and Bert having sex in the Holiday Inn? That's how I feel right now with all this controvesy.
Heaven help us now....

22/6/07 2:18 AM  
Anonymous fred lero said...

u can't prove that i'm really anoyone! how do i know ur even the REAL gee? i could be anyone...i could be bert if i wanted to be...oh and eliza u DO SMELL AND U HAVE A PENIS NOSE. PENIS NOSE PENIS NOSE PENIS NOSE. HA ON U!

22/6/07 2:22 AM  
Anonymous bunny said...

meow! meow!
don't mind me, IM JUST A STARVING CAT, SITTING HERE, WHILE YOU DOUCHEBAGS FIGHT ONLINE OVER A PENIS NOSE.
MOMMY WHERE ARE YOUUU WITH MY FANCY FEAST?

22/6/07 2:27 AM  
Anonymous alicia way said...

bunny, mommys waddling to u as fast as she can!

22/6/07 2:28 AM  
Anonymous bob bryar said...

*sigh*
No one EVER listens to me.
you know what, fuck mcr and this penis nose, imma go work on my SOLO PROJECT. YOU HEARD ME. I'M LEAVING THE BAND-HAVE FUN BABYSITTING THE WORLD'S MOST RETARED CREW BITCHES.

22/6/07 2:32 AM  
Anonymous fred lero said...

nooooooooooo!!!!!
bob come baK!!! i didnt mean to break up the band. THIS IS ALL GEES FAULT. ELIZA IS A PENIS NOSED, SMELLY CRACK HOE! AND YOU KNOW WHY SHE SMELLS LIKE BUTT AND OLD PEOPLE? SHES A SELF PROCLAMED BITTY.

i'm going to cry myself to sleep now. THANKS A LOT ASSHOLES. AT LEAST MY FIANCEE DOESNT BREAK THINGS UP. LIKE BANDS. SHE DIDNT EVEN TOUCH THE BAND. IM COMING HOME BABY AND WE'LL START A BEAUTIFUL LIFE TOGETHER> AND BTW YES IT IS ME, FRANK IERO. NOT FRED LERO IN CASE YOU WERE STILL WONDERING.

22/6/07 2:39 AM  
Anonymous Pete Wentz said...

wooooooooaaaaah.
this shit was epic dudes.


ROCK ON! YEAH!

22/6/07 2:40 AM  
Blogger Hypnotic Romance said...

CHRIST! No! thtas not me, but by Jesus and p3t3 w3ntz I wish I was that clever!!!


HEY FUNNY PEOPLE, LEAVE ME SOME COMMENTS PLEASE!!!!

22/6/07 4:03 PM  
Blogger alexgirl said...

You are a brilliant, brilliant genius!
I love this post. God, how did I go without internet access for 2 weeks? It's a sin.
I totally loved that movie, Housesitter--I was even thinking about it a couple months ago, but it's NOT on Netflix!! for shame.
And i agree about Marie Antoinette. Boh-ring. ok, i did like the soundtrack, but dizzamn that movie almost put me to sleep.
Kudos on this uh-mazing post.

22/6/07 4:05 PM  
Blogger Geisha said...

Xo Ec: By saying my username "rips" does that mean it's cool or not? (I'm not very umm....hip?) If it does mean it's cool, well then thank you! If not, then your mean! Oh, and "you back it so hard"? I don't really get that either! :)

22/6/07 7:13 PM  
Blogger Dilemma said...

Don't worry Geisha, whoever wrote that meant it in a nice way. :]

23/6/07 11:23 PM  
Blogger Geisha said...

Oh ok good...now I feel stupid! :)

24/6/07 12:47 PM  
Blogger molly said...

marianne faithfull was in marie antoinnette! playing her mother, i believe.

ill probably watch it just for that

im super intrigued by this lifetime film. sounds like a capital way to avoid a child pornography ring! ill watch it so i can be sure to be prepared!

25/6/07 3:32 PM  
Anonymous bob bryar said...

You were one comment away from 50 so I thought I'd help a sista out.

25/6/07 11:30 PM  

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